Is polyamory legitimate? Can it work? In this article, I review the phenomenon from a higher spiritual perspective
As I explain in depth in my Testosterone Friendly Lifestyle course, when we want to learn about male-female relationships in the most objective and unbiased way possible, we aim to look at both the macro and micro levels. At the macro level, the main observation is at the level of the stars, and at the micro level, we mainly look at atoms.
In the stars of our solar system, there are two main male-female relationships:
Sun and Moon
Mars and Venus
The relationship between Mars and Venus is considered spiritually inferior and is based on lust, conquest, worldly pleasures, etc.
And the relationship between the Sun and the Moon, which are the two most important stars from our perspective as Earth dwellers.
This relationship is considered higher compared to Mars and Venus.
Why?
Because the Sun is the husband and the Moon is his wife, the Sun is the king, the Moon is the queen, etc.
The Moon, in a man's birth chart, is considered his childhood home, his current home, his wife, his childhood (i.e., the time when he was young), his children, and more.
We learn that the relationship between the Sun and the Moon is closer to the truth because the Sun chose the Moon and committed to her, and he loves her so much that he essentially shines light on her unconditionally and enjoys and finds satisfaction just from seeing her radiant and happy.
From our perspective as humans, our eyes see only one main pair of stars in a primary relationship in the sky, which is the Sun and the Moon. All other stars are much less prominent and are thus considered smaller parts of our personality (the most influential parts of our personality are the Sun, Moon, and Ascendant in the birth chart).
It seems that in the sky, although the Sun is in several relationships with all the other planets in the solar system and influences them with light – the Moon has a special status as his only and most important partner from our perspective on Earth.
Another thing we want to examine is the letters of the Tetragrammaton.
The first letter is “י followed by the letter ה”.
'י is considered the Holy One, blessed be He
'ה is considered the Divine Presence, which is His feminine aspect.
'י is directly related to the Sun.
'ה is directly related to the Moon.
'י is the husband
'ה is the wife.
The letters “ו and ה” that come after are their son and daughter – “ו son, ה” daughter.
The letter 'ה is composed of 'ר and 'י. It contains the 'י within the 'ר. This shape reminds us of a womb.
Indeed, it is known in the secret of the letter “ה that it is related to fertility, birth, etc”.
Another thing we will address here is the human soul.
There is something in the upper worlds called “root of the soul”.
Each Sephira from the Tree of Life is considered a root of the soul in the upper worlds.
Meaning, there are souls that came from the Sephira of Wisdom, souls that came from the Sephira of Strength, etc.
According to tradition, certain parts of that soul root that need correction descend in reincarnation. Not the entire root descends, only parts of it, just those that have not been corrected.
A soul in the upper world comes from a world where everything is one. A state where there is no time and space.
When it descends for reincarnation, it splits into a male body and a female body.
This means that every person is born and has their exact soulmate called a soulmate from the root of the soul.
For every male, there exists only one female who is most precisely suited for him (don't worry, there are many other women who are also very well-suited, but there is only one soulmate from the root of the soul)
In Genesis 1:27, on the sixth day of creation, it is written: "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."
Genesis “chapter 5” states “He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them "Mankind" when they were created.”
Our Sages interpret this to mean that "Adam" (Mankind) is a name given to the union of male and female who unite under the chuppah at the wedding.
A man or woman who is not married is not considered "Adam" (a complete person).
(If anyone wants to help, please write the exact quote for this from the sources in the comments)
There is a common prayer said before putting on tefillin, etc., that begins like this:
“For the sake of the unification of the Holy One, blessed be He, and His Divine Presence, in fear and love, and love and fear, to unify the name of the letter י” ה with the letters “ו in complete unity…”
Meaning, for the sake of unifying God with His Divine Presence… to unify the letters י"ה with the letters ו"ה in complete unity.
When a person unites with his wife in intimacy, it's a great secret for connecting the two parts of the soul.
So, in fact, during intimacy, the couple becomes closest to being one, to that place from which the soul came.
That unity connects us to the One, to God, and this is one of the reasons why we so desire this thing, because it unifies us to the One, completes us from halves to wholes, and thus brings us closer to the Creator who is One.
It turns out, then, that the highest and most natural connection that exists is a male who wants to take one female, and he loves her soul and not just her body, which is temporary.
A male who wants to take someone forever, and give her all her needs and receives his pleasure from the very act of giving and from seeing her happy and radiant.
This is exactly the same as a father who gives his children all their needs without any conditions and enjoys seeing them happy, developing, etc.
Moreover, this is a permanent covenant for life between the father and his children.
This is love at its highest level – that they love each other as they love their children. This is a love that doesn't depend on any external factor and remains for life, until death do them part.
Now I've referred to and given a lot of emphasis to the male, but what do we know about the female???
About the female, it is known that what she yearns for most is to be in a relationship with a husband who is committed to her (in marriage) and loves her and influences her with lights (love, compliments, reinforcements, faith, etc.).
We learn this, among other sources, from the holy Zohar where Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai teaches us that the Moon “has nothing of its own” that it has no light of its own, but that all its light(!) 100% of its light(!) comes from the Sun.
And in the Torah it is written “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you”.
Your desire will be for your husband – her husband who is her sun, the center of her world, her source of life.
And he shall rule over you – Just as the moon depends on the sunlight for its existence, so does the woman depend on the sun for her life, happiness, etc. (Sun is not only her husband. It can be any other authority figure like her father, her brother, her boss, the government, etc.)
It turns out that a girl can indeed do everything: be a lawyer, a fighter, a pilot, be the owner or CEO of the largest company in the world, make large amounts of money, receive a lot of respect from society, etc. But as long as her husband doesn't respect her at home – she surely won't feel happy and fulfilled despite all the money and respect she receives outside the home.
There is much more to expand on this deep statement written in the Torah.
The moon is married to only one, her husband, and he is her sun, and as we know, there is only one sun in our solar system. Her husband is her entire world.
Therefore, for a woman who has found a sun that shines on her as it should – it's not at all possible that she would want to be in a relationship with another man!!! Such a thing doesn't exist in nature!!!
On the other hand, from the male perspective,
At the macro level, we see that there are several stars revolving around the sun and depending on it.
And at the micro level, in the atom, we know that electrons (-, female) orbit around the nucleus of the atom, which consists of protons (+, male) and neutrons (neutral) – one nucleus, and around it several electrons.
Since the source of the sun's vitality is internal (this is in the simple sense. In the secret sense, it's not really internal but from God, of course, who gives the sun abundance to channel to his wife the moon and other stars), it doesn't depend on external things, and therefore the husband doesn't feel dependent on his wife to the extent that she feels dependent on him, and he could seemingly get up and leave at any given moment if he hadn't committed to her in marriage (as they get older, he becomes relatively more dependent on her compared to his past, and she becomes relatively less dependent on him compared to her past)
Regarding the man, he can indeed be in a relationship with several women (just as several stars orbit around the sun, including stars considered female like the moon and Venus, etc.)
However, from deep study both in Jewish tradition and in other traditions around the world, it appears that the correct way that works for a man who wants to be in a relationship with more than one woman is to take several females to be his wives (in marriage), and then he has several moons, which is fine as long as he can influence lights (provide for all their needs at all levels of knowledge, energy, and matter) for each wife and her children.
This situation is complex and sensitive because it turns out that he will need to invest a lot of time in each wife and her children, the wives are jealous of each other, and also naturally, he ends up emitting seed more frequently, which in itself is exhausting and weakening.
One woman can give a man the vast majority of things he needs, and if he wants to take another wife, it's usually because he's not working hard enough on this relationship and he doesn't really love his partner completely.
A girl who is in a relationship with a man who proposes to be with additional women, and that man refuses to marry that girl – it's a sign that he doesn't really love her and it's a Mars and Venus relationship – a relationship dependent on something – and when that thing is nullified, that love will be nullified.
A man who truly loves a girl doesn't necessarily propose to bring in additional girls and isn't afraid to commit in marriage.
By nature, a man is jealous and possessive of his partner and doesn't want other men to touch her or even look at her.
And since there is only one sun in the solar system – each family cannot contain more than one father in the same territory.
Only the alpha lion (the first in the hierarchy of males) in each territory impregnates the females, and when his offspring grow and become sexually mature, he drives them out of his territory, thereby preventing the possibility of them impregnating the females there and spreading his seed to additional places.
This means that in a predictable way, always and in every situation where a girl in a relationship asks to share herself with another man, those men will compete with each other over who will be the only one to remain in the territory, to whom that girl will belong, because there cannot be more than one alpha for each territory.
A female cannot be with more than one male simultaneously according to nature.
The only way an open relationship of the type where a woman is with several men would happen is if the man abandons his traditional role as a man and takes on a more feminine and liberal role to please his partner, or because he grew up in an environment that confused him and caused him all kinds of illusions and nonsense.
But if he's in a serious relationship with her and wants her to be the mother of his children – even if he agreed to such a thing – in his heart he harbors intense resentment and jealousy towards the other man and wants to get rid of him in one way or another.
It can work in non-committed Venusian relationships that are not for long-term purposes and family building.
But then it's a Venusian relationship that depends on something and therefore it's temporary and therefore it's false and therefore it's disgraceful and closer to the angel of death than to God.
Let's summarize the recommendations I've distilled from astrology, secret doctrine, Gemara, etc.:
For a man:
1. The highest and most recommended level is to marry one woman and stay with her until death, because there is only one moon and there are only two halves of the soul and no more.
If the soul was divided into one man and 3 women – indeed the recommendation would be to marry 3 women, but that's not what happens.
2. In rare cases and if he really wants to be with more than one woman, he can marry 1-6 additional women assuming he can provide for their and their children's needs.
But as mentioned, this is not recommended for various reasons.
3. If he is in a relationship without marriage, fears getting married, and wants to bring in additional women – he doesn't truly love unconditionally but loves a love that depends on something, a temporary love, and it's likely that he doesn't want to make his current partner the mother of his children.
Regarding a woman:
1.
A woman has no natural need for multiple men simultaneously, just as she never needed more than one father.
It's not part of nature for a woman to want to be in a relationship with more than one man when she's married.
If a married woman wants additional men, it's a sign that she's not getting her needs met in the current relationship, and therefore it's a more convenient excuse to find herself a sun that will influence her with lights rather than to divorce.
In such a case, one should consult with a wise professional who will teach him what he needs to do to make her happy and meet her needs.
2. An unmarried woman, if she wants to be with more than one man, can do so even though it's a disgraceful thing and she will cause those men to, in practice, in their hearts, be jealous of each other and want to get rid of each other in any possible way if they truly love her and if she is truly important to them.
It's a false thing.
Can polyamory work for a woman?
Yes.
But only temporarily when it comes to Venusian relationships (without commitment, short-term, for pleasure) and cannot work at all in Lunar relationships (aimed at starting a family, long-term, with commitment).
Can polyamory work for a man?
Yes.
But if for the long term, then in marriage and up to 3-7 women who are exclusively his and do not see or think about other men at all.
If it's short-term, it's possible but considered inappropriate, spiritually low, dishonest, and not recommended.
So monogamy is considered spiritually superior and therefore the most recommended for both males and females.
Of course, everyone will do what they want and what they see fit.
There is no criticism at all in this post.
There is much more to expand on this topic.
I'm just expressing my opinion, which I formed from my personal experience as well as a combination of historical sources such as astrology, Kabbalah, etc.
Feel free to share if you think it can benefit other people.
